


there are no perks to being me

by ElaineGaron



Series: the perks of who we are [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No War, Alternate Universe - Peaceful, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crossover, Depression, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Inspired by The Perks of Being a Wallflower, M/M, Mentions of Rape/Sexual Abuse, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, No Smut, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-05 09:25:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12187323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElaineGaron/pseuds/ElaineGaron
Summary: Tomorrow I start my second to last year of high school.At a new school.And I’m scared.But I will try.I’m scared but I will be alright.Won’t I?Of course I’ll be. I’m me after all.I shouldn’t be scared.But I am.Love always,Lance_____________________VLD - the perks of being a wallflower crossover.Lance as Charlie is telling us what is happening around him.And that's a lot more than you'd think.





	1. August 28, 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll put this super long note at the end, so if you are interested, it doesn't spoil anything. It's just super long.
> 
> For the world: It is a planet, no idea what to call it yet. And there is no war. There never was. The races live in peace. And Lance's parents adopted Galra children. I think I'll explain it during the story why and everything. So yay for peace. There aren't enough human characters to do it with only them so there has to be an alternative. And this is what I decided on.

August 28, 2016

Dear friend,  
I don’t quite understand why they have told me to write to you. But… I guess they worry that I’ll get bad again… I don’t quite understand how writing to you is supposed to help me, but I will try.  
I won’t add a return address for you to reply to. I don’t want a reply. I just want to tell you everything. What did they say again?  
“Tell them everything to get it off your chest.” Well, that’s what I will do. Even if I am not sure how it will prevent me from getting bad again. But I will try.  
Wouldn’t want to disappoint my fans. Well, family actually. But, you know, my family are my biggest fans.  
Well, jokes aside… I’m scared of them being right. I’m scared of getting bad again. I don’t want to go back to it. It hurts when you feel so insignificant.  
But maybe I should tell you what getting bad means. You don’t really know me yet but I know you’d want to if you could see what I looked like. But no picture for you. It would make it a waste to not include a return address.  
I’m about to enter my second to last year of High School. At a new school. Because a lot of things went wrong at my old one.  
My best friend before the summer was called Michael. Notice the “was”? Well, Michael he kind of… killed himself before summer break. Shot himself they say. I don’t understand why. They say he had trouble at home. I don’t understand.  
He didn’t even tell me he was going to do it… He just left me. Without a word. Not even a note or letter or anything. I think he was acting selfishly. I know now that I was the one being selfish. I never thought that he could have been hurting. Not until the day they announced over the speakers at school that he had passed on.  
Rumours spread fast at high school. Someone had heard the gunshot. Michael was alone at home that day.  
I didn’t even truly understand what had happened. I couldn’t process it. It took a while for the news to settle. And when it did… I was a wreck. At his funeral. That’s when what had happened finally hit me and I just collapsed right there. My parents say they were worried I had attempted as well. I didn’t. I don’t want anyone to hurt because of me. Not again.  
When I was young, I hurt my Aunt Honerva. I never understood what I had done wrong when I asked why she was crying. I understand now. I don’t think I should tell you her secrets, though. They are hers. Not mine.  
When Michael died, I went bad for the first time. The first time was at his funeral. The second happened when they hand-picked his friends and sent us to the counsellor as a group. I hit him. The counsellor. He kept talking badly about Michael. They needed to call someone else than him to calm us down. Well, to calm me down. The others just moved on with their lives as if it was nothing. As if no one had left them forever. But I couldn’t. I blamed myself, you know? For not noticing. But no one understood. They only told me to stop. They said I wasn’t at fault and that I should stop feeling this way. I couldn’t stop it.  
My brothers helped me. They understood and let me mourn. Ulaz even let me work on his car. He never lets anyone touch it, especially not me. Maybe he’s scared that it would suit me better than him but hey, I can’t help being the most attractive child my parents have.  
When summer came, my parents decided to take me out of school and send me to a different one.  
That’s why I’m writing this letter today.  
Tomorrow I start my second to last year of high school.  
At a new school.  
And I’m scared.  
But I will try.  
I’m scared but I will be alright.  
Won’t I?  
Of course I’ll be. I’m me after all.  
I shouldn’t be scared.  
But I am.

Love always,  
Lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've recently watched the movie "the perks of being a wallflower" again with a friend. And we bawled over it of course. But I've also noticed a few similarities between Lance and Charlie so I couldn't help starting to think of this AU. Well, when the cafeteria scene came on where Patrick got beat up, it was decided. I had to write this. Why after this scene? Charlie literally wears the same type of shirt and looks like a pale, black-haired Lance in it. So this happened.
> 
> The chapters will be rather short. I'm basing my writing more on the book than the movie really. I don't want to retell a film, that just is... no fun really. So unless I start writing multiple letters as one chapter, it will have a lot of shorter chapters. But I don't think anyone will truly mind. it'll make me update quicker as it only takes me half an hour to write them.
> 
> If I continue with making the chapters multiple letter long, I should say in advance that this is a kind of pilot. I've never written anything for this fandom so it's new to me. But I really liked this idea so... Yeah no helping it.
> 
> As the tags suggest, there will be a lot of things mentioned or touched upon. If you know the movie or book, you will know that those topics are also touched upon in them. I do not want to leave them out too much. I'll try to kind of follow the original plot line but at the same time I will also change a lot of things. Also because the narrator is different. Literal quotes from the book (except for the dear friend and love always) will be marked in one way or another. I will of course keep some of the best lines in it!
> 
> Well, I'm babbling on. At the moment I think I will write a week of letter for each chapter in the future. Otherwise it will become hundreds of 500 words chapters. I don't like that. 
> 
> I will often include modern (indie-ish) bands because music was really important in the original. I do want to keep it. If you have suggestions, do tell me! I' up for any ideas! And I have set it in our time, sorry about that, but the original is set in the early 90's. I am only 20 years old, so writing about that time is harder for me than making it more modern.
> 
> This is not beta'd so do tell me if you find errors. They're definitely there and I will make sure to remove them when I notice them.
> 
> Do tell me what you think of it. I want to know if anyone even would be interested in me continuing it! I'm never quite sure if others like these things as much as my friends and I do, so I'm always happy about comments and Kudos to tell me people enjoy/ed it!


	2. September 10 - September 16, 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've decided to start making each chapter about the letters written in a week. I'm trying to write as many letters as Charlie did, meaning it'll get longer with November's weeks. He started writing a lot more then.
> 
> I might make it a multiple part work, as I do not like having over 50 chapters in a single work and the book is split into parts as well but I am not sure about that.
> 
> Do tell me what you think and I hope you like it!

_September 10, 2016_

Dear friend,  
High school is more like hell school to me. I do not enjoy it. I neither did in the old place nor do I in the new one. Yes, the teachers are a lot nicer in my opinion because they do not treat me like I’m insane. Not like at my old school where they thought I had lost it because of Michael’s death. That’s good. I don’t think they know anything about what had happened.  
It’s also kind of lonely. I do try to make friends but I guess it’s hard to let the new guy into your circle of friends for most people. I wish I could make friends at school. It would make it a lot easier and I wouldn’t always have to spend lunch alone.  
I guess you could say I made one friend on my first day. But since it’s my teacher in advanced English I don’t think it counts. Coran is nice though and I like English a lot more than my other classes already. He seems to be a good teacher who knows what he is doing. Unlike others.  
There’s this girl in one of my classes. She recently stood up to a teacher trying to put another student down. I’m impressed because of how brave she is. Everyone knows that teacher isn’t to be taken lightly. I kind of admire it. I wouldn’t be able to stand up for anyone anymore after what happened the last time with Michael. I also wish I could talk to her. I really need to make friends but I sometimes feel like I scare people away by being too direct. I don’t know why but I’ve never liked the concept of not approaching people.  
There also was this girl I went to middle school with. I forgot her name if I am honest. She was Michael’s girlfriend for a while. Well, she turned from pretty in her own way to one of those classical high school cheerleaders. She’s still pretty, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t turn her down. But she doesn’t seem happy anymore. Not like she used to. I wonder why.  
Thace recently started going out more with his boyfriend. It’s kind of strange but I can understand. With Ulaz out of the house he’s the oldest now and trying to act accordingly. He’s trying to be mature now, especially because he’s finishing high school this summer. Afterwards he intends to go to university. I’m really excited for him. Even if I will miss him terribly. I also miss Ulaz terribly since he’s studying so far away and only comes home every now and then.  
I sometimes felt like people were staring weirdly when he talked to me at school. I’ve been keeping my distance ever since. I guess some people aren’t used to families like mine. You see, my brothers are both Galra. My parents adopted them. They tried everything and nothing worked so they turned to adoption. And they just fell in love with my brothers. I can understand why. I couldn’t imagine better brothers. They always took care of me. A year after they had taken them in, they were surprised by an unexpected pregnancy. And me. I just wanted to make a grand entrance so I waited until no one expected me anymore. You see, I wanted to make my parents truly happy. And I succeeded!  
I miss my brothers at home. It feels so empty at times. But I understand we need to grow up. All of us.  
I hope my second week at school will go better. I really need to make a friend that isn’t a teacher.

Love always,  
Lance

  
_September 14, 2016_

Dear friend,  
I don’t have much time to write you. Well actually I do but I do not have much to write about. We’ve been assigned some reading to do for class. Coran asked us to read _To Kill a Mockingbird_. He wants us to read a few chapters everyday but I don’t like that. I prefer relaxing in the tub with a good book and treat myself. It’s a wonderful way to wind down after a stressful day at school. I know it might sound girlish to you but I really enjoy those things. Beauty treatments and the likes. It’s fun really. My mum used to always do those things with me when I was little. I kind of never stopped enjoying it so I kept doing it. And reading in the tub is just a lot more relaxing.  
Have you ever tried to get comfortable with a book sitting somewhere? It’s so hard to find a comfortable position to sit in for a long time! But in the tub, I really think it’s comfortable. I don’t know why. It just is.  
I’ve already read like half the book and so far, I really like it. We will see what I will think at the end. And how my essay on it will turn out. I’m already thinking about what to include in it but I’m not sure.  
But I am babbling on here because I have nothing interesting to tell you. It was an uneventful week so far.  
I hope I’ll manage to make a friend soon. I’ve been trying harder with every day passing. But I still haven’t managed to do it.  
I don’t know what to do.  
  
Love always,  
Lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd as always.
> 
> Please do tell me about errors I made!


	3. September 17 - September 23, 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and everything guys ♡ It means a lot to me to know that you like this ♡
> 
> When a chapter turns out as long as the other two combined. Whoops.
> 
> Sorry it took a while, stressful time at university. And now the own plot and modifications are starting to show. I even added a letter that is not in the original this time because I didn't want to jump so much between topics. And slowly you can also see which character is out into which role, I do hope you like those picks. A friend helped making them. We're actually kind of happy with them :D
> 
> Well, unbeta'd as always. If anyone is interested in that job, do not hesitate to tell me so. I do make typos and the likes and getting them corrected would be wonderful.  
> I hope you like it! Do tell me what you think! And I'm splitting it into parts based on the parts of the book. It would just feel so... long and like it has too many chapters otherwise.

_September 19, 2016_

Dear friend,  
have I told you about my brother Thace yet? He’s kind of one of my closest friends at the moment, considering how things are going at school. And we’re not even that close right now. Not since I’ve turned ten maybe. We always were very good friends but I guess that just happens when you are about two years apart.  
Well, Thace is going out with this guy. Actually, he had a lot of guys chasing after him. And girls. I don’t know why. He’s just that popular. They just kind of want him I guess. Maybe it’s because he’s confident in who he is. I am trying to act more like him but it’s just… it’s just hard, you know?  
He’s never doubted himself like I do. There have been a lot of things going on inside my mind ever since the death of my aunt Honerva. And it got worse when Michael killed himself.  
I still don’t understand why he would do such a thing. What had driven him? I just don’t get it. I could never do something like that. I love my parents too much to hurt them like this. And I know that it’ll be alright again. If I don’t make any friends in high school, there’s still college.  
But back to my brother. Well, he’s going out with this guy right now. He’s kind of strange. He lost an arm a few years ago so he has this strange looking prosthetic that everyone makes fun of at school. I don’t understand why they would do that. He lost a limb, why would you make fun of anyone for such a thing? He is lucky to even be alive.  
Well, as it turns out, he’s been going out with Thace for a while now. They’re both Galra so it kind of fits. There’s not a lot of pure-blooded Galra living around here and they kind of feel more attracted to their own race. I also prefer humans, I guess that even with how I grew up, I kind of have my preferences for my own race.  
Well, anyways, they seem happy together. But I don’t think Thace is truly happy with him. I just think he wants someone… I don’t know. I think Sendak isn’t much of a romantic. Just like me. We’re similar in terms of what we enjoy. And this guy? He’s not the type of guy I could ever imagine him going out with. I mean he is romantic. But not in the way Thace likes. He’s more the music-I-picked-for-you type while Thace enjoys long picnics and stuff like that. He likes things they can do together, not those gifts. He just feels like his room is getting too full with the amount of gifts he gets and wants to throw them all out. I can kind of understand but I still think Sendak has a good taste in music.  
Recently he’s given my brother a CD with some songs he picked for him and they are pretty enjoyable. He passed that CD to me so I am the one listening to the music and I do like it. I don’t know why Thace doesn’t want it. But I won’t complain about getting new CDs. I like listening to music while in the bath or reading or something. It can be calming. And there’s a lot of calm, relaxing pieces on there so it’s perfect for those occasions.  
I don’t know why but Thace recently invited me to watch a movie with them. He probably didn’t want to be alone with him. I understand now. Because Sendak… he is not as nice as I thought he was. He’s toxic and my brother should get away from him but somehow, he is not even trying or thinking of it. Instead he is staying with him and I just don’t get it.  
While we were watching that movie, Thace started to get bored and he talked for a bit. And before I could even understand what was happening Sendak hat slapped him with his normal hand. I was shocked and didn’t get anything out for a while – and normally it’s hard to get me to shut up. Then my brother just whispered, “I told you not in front of my family.”  
It wasn’t the first time. I understand now. We talked after it happened. Sendak left right after it and you could literally feel his anger as he stormed out of our house.  
“You can’t tell mum or dad, got it?” Thace said. I of course tried to talk back. My brother was accepting it that someone hit him! I couldn’t accept such a thing, even if he begged me.  
“I can deal with it on my own. He can get angry when I’m being annoying. I deserve it, you know how I can be. It’s his defence. It doesn’t even really hurt, okay? He’s not very strong with that arm.”  
I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded and pretty much locked myself in my room, trying to comprehend what I had witnessed. My own brother was accepting abuse. What was I supposed to do now?  
In the end, I did stay quiet like I had said. Maybe Thace would really be able to take care of it himself. I do trust him, you know? He always took care of me, why wouldn’t he watch over himself as well?  
And two days later when I was getting something to drink from the basement, I caught them doing it against the wall. Yes, I mean it like I said. They were having sex. Against a wall. And from what I saw it was not for both their enjoyment. But Who am I to judge. Maybe Thace is really into being bitten and pinned down but I’m not sure. I’m actually kind of scared.  
I don’t think Sendak saw me but I do think Thace knows that I saw them. I pretty much ran away when I walked in on them. But I do think that I watched my own brother being forced to have sex with his boyfriend. I am still waiting for him to approach me about it. What do I do? It’s terrifying to know that someone you love is accepting something like that. I really want to help him. Maybe become closer with him again. But I don’t think he wants my help.  
What do I do?

Love always,  
Lance

 

_September 20, 2016_

Dear friend,  
I have finished _To Kill a Mockingbird_. I really did like the book. Coran asked me not to only call him by his first name, but he also asked me to write an essay on the book.  He wants to challenge me more he said. I think he also said something about how I can be his best student if I just put some effort into it. I somehow want to try. I really like Coran compared to my other teachers. He knows what he’s doing and he’s truly caught my interest. Which is not that hard, yes, but to keep me focused and interested in something for a longer time? That’s a challenge only few manage to pass. I do like him. He’s also said he’d like to start letting me do some additional work if I am up for it. And I’ve never been so interested in schoolwork before. Maybe it’s also because it distracts me from the situation at home. From Thace. And from the fact that I still don’t have friends at school.  
How do I make friends?

Love always,  
Lance

 

_September 21, 2016_

Dear friend,  
I’ve decided to try something crazy. I don’t know why but I’ve decided I needed to do something different for once and somehow… I’m hoping to make friends this way.  
It’s because of a coincidence that I want to do this. I just stumbled across the poster when I was leaving school and I just decided that I needed to try. I don’t know if it’ll go down well or if I’ll be the laughing stock of the whole school afterwards but… I do have to risk something. I’m not getting anywhere otherwise.  
So I’m going to the cheerleader try-outs. I know, I know. I’m a guy. That’s weird. I should do something like football but… I don’t like that as much. And I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t make the team. And I kind of like the cheer captain. She’s really cute.  
There is no better way to approach girls than this I think. And I’ve been in gymnastics until two years ago so I should still can do what a cheerleader does. And not only does cheering mean I get to spend time with girls, I also get to watch some rather attractive guys playing football. What could be better than that?  
And clubs might be ways to make friends. Why not try and risk it? The captain seems nice as well. She’s in my English class and one of the few people to actually take it seriously. I think her name was Allura. And she’s really pretty. I definitely wouldn’t mind going out with someone like that.  
So yeah, try-outs are next week. Wish me luck. I’m actually kind of scared but also hope that I will make it. I don’t know what I’ll do if I do get in but I can think about that later, can’t I?  
This will either go incredibly well or horrible wrong. I’m hoping for the first. Please let it be the first.  
What do you think? Have I lost my mind, doing this?

Love always,  
Lance


End file.
